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NOBITUARIES What can be said about the great Michael O’Leary? Maverick? Possibly. Crass? Maybe. Prick? Most certainly. The big daddy of bargain basement travel polarised opinion throughout his turbulent and tumultuous career as the enfant terrible of aviation, piloting his company Ryanair to vertiginous altitudes while concurrently forging ahead with pioneerin... Read more |
Late Late Toy Show The following is a minute-by-minute match report of an entirely imagined ‘Late Late Toy Show’.1 min: Fogeyish fop Ryan Tubridy gets his first ever Toy Show off to an inauspicious start by scolding a small child who accidentally scuffs one of his Italian loafers. The dressing down is quite humiliating for the wee scamp who is told to stand in the co... Read more |
jedward What a week. World Cup trauma, the nation resembling the set of Waterworld, John and Edward voted off The X-Factor, and I lost a very nice green cardigan. This is exactly the kind of gold-plated clusterfupp that makes you wonder why you bother getting out of bed in the morning. Seriously, if you are reading this and not in bed, I suggest you retire... Read more |
Holy Communion Holy Communion, Batman! It’s that time of year again when little tykes across the nation are preparing themselves for their first major Catholic jamboree. These days it’s all change of course because you do your Communion in Second class instead of First. I understand the powers-that-be discovered that it’s at eight years of age, and not seven as p... Read more |
The return of Fuzzy Logic So where were we? After Fuzzy Logic’s untimely departure, I believe I had strolled off into the sunset with the sounds of sobbing Clare People staff still ringing in my ears, choking back my own blubbering with bottom lip all a-quiver, determined to maintain a quiet, solemn dignity but punctuated occasionally by the of roaring expletives at passers... Read more |
Credit Crunch I’ve got some sobering news: we are in the middle of a global recession. Markets are collapsing, currencies are weakening, the value of oil and gold is skyrocketing, and the cost of a packet of Johnnie Onion Rings has broken the 50 cent barrier for the first time. The world economy is receding at an alarming rate; soon enough we will be lucky to ha... Read more |
Bertie’s life and times The Early Days – Patrick Bartholomew Ahern was born in Drumcondra, Dublin in the rare auld times. He quickly became known as ‘Bertie’ due to his fascination with sweet idol Bertie Bassett, and the pair’s shared passion for wearing top hats made entirely of liquorice. Teenage Troubles – Bertie along with brothers Noel and Maurice establish The Ahern... Read more |
Where's me Jumper IT’S been one year, almost to the day, since my jumper went missing. I’ve hunted high and low for the precious garment but there’s no sign. I’ve launched a major global campaign, ‘Where’sMyJumper.com’ which I’m sure you’re privy to, but all that has turned up is a few tenuous leads and flaky dead ends. I will endeavour to continue on this long, lon... Read more |