I can’t believe I did it. There I was, sauntering along just minding my own business when, out of the corner of my eye, I spotted them. Exclaiming in horror at their very presence, I marched on with my head held high — only to return a few minutes later.
Glancing around, I pretended to examine the items on display nearby then, quick as a flash, bundled a couple into my trolley and buried them under my entirely appropriate selection of fruit and vegetables.
You’re probably wondering what on earth I am talking about, so I will let you in on my shameful secret – are you ready? Well, last week, in a fit of madness, I actually purchased some rolls of Christmas wrapping paper!
There, I said it. And if you’re still reading, please let me explain. I know we haven’t even reached Halloween yet, and I will be the first in the queue to mutter about the absurdity of Christmas carols in October, but my excuse was I had visitors who were willing to relieve me of some of the burden of festive postage.
My initial response was one of horror – who on earth would buy, wrap and distribute Christmas presents while the children were still running around in T-shirts?
No-one but a complete philistine with more time than sense on their hands, I thought.
But, after a few moments of quiet reflection, I began to see the logic behind this madness. I had a willing carrier who would take a sizeable chunk of presents off my hands. This would leave me with little or no postage, reduced time amid the forthcoming seasonal scrum, considerably less stress and, most importantly, more time to concentrate on planning the festivities.
It was a done deal. But how was I going to carry out this illicit business without ruining my (ever-dwindling) street cred and reputation? As usual, the children came in handy as an excuse for shopping.
Telling anyone who would listen that I was off in search of winter coats, I dropped the kids off at school and raced away before anyone could uncover the truth. Intending to purchase nothing but the required gifts, I arrived armed with shopping bags, friendly plastic and a steely determination.
Within minutes I had picked up enough suitable items to fulfil my present needs. But I was unable to stop — I had become addicted. There was so much to choose from, so many bargains to be had, I could get everyone done in one fell swoop.
I raced from shop to shop, torturing my credit card and mentally crossing off all the recipients of my Christmas list, when suddenly my toddler began to wail. I had been so busy honing my Mrs Claus skills that I’d forgotten about my little helper.
“I’m too hot, I’m hungry, I need a wee,” he roared as I came quickly to my senses. What was I thinking of? The children were barely back at school and here I was frantically filling stockings. I must be mad.
Hastily grabbing a couple of rolls of bargain-basement wrapping paper, I all but fled back to the car and shame-facedly stowed away my loot.
“That’s it,” I thought. I’ll hand over the necessary presents and put the others away until the last week of December. No one will find out about my momentary madness.
Or so I thought…
“I saw you in town today, buying Christmas wrapping paper,” boomed a loud voice at the school gate as I hurried to collect the boys. Colouring deeply, I spluttered and stuttered as I attempted to come up with a credible excuse.
“Glad to see another woman after my own heart – I’ve bought all my decorations as well,” she declared rather gaily.
Blimey, it’s not like me to be behind the times. Look’s like it’s a race to the finishing line!